O-Files Q&A, Part 2

Yes, dear reader, it is that time again. That's right, YOU get to dictate the content of today's entry by asking your computer questions! Today's questions are as follows:

Q: What if your Marbled Salamander is not eating?

A: Apparently this reader did not have the same K-5 teacher that I did. If (s)he had, (s)he would have known that what-ifs don't matter. You can what-if yourself crazy. You can what-if until the cows come home or you die (whichever happens first) and it won't make a blessed bit of difference.

What if a meteor hit the earth? What if we are unable to reverse the current trend of entropy in the universe? What if that twitching vein in my leg means the doctor was right about my cholestorol levels after all? What if terrorists attack my sock drawer. What if-- (gasp)-- WHAT IF MY DEODERANT STOPS WORKING???

Anyway, I don't have a Marbled Salamander. Next question.

Q: What kind of snakes are on Erie?

A: You might think I would be tempted to mock the asker of this question, but, I have, in fact, seen snakes on Lake Erie. One was about fifty feet from shore and heading away from, not towards, land, so I feel the query is legitimate. Said serpent was a Northern Water Snake, by the way.

If, by chance, this person meant to ask what kind of snakes are on the Lake Erie islands, the answer would be that the most commonly seen snakes on those islands include the Eastern Fox Snake, the Eastern Racer, and the endangered Lake Erie Water snake. The L.E. Water snake can be distinguished from the northern variety by lack of belly pattern, absent or obscured dorsal pattern, and, sometimes, an overall greenish-gray cast.

Today's final question comes from a sensible reader in Flora, IL.

Q: What kind of snake looks like a fishing worm?

A: This is a great question. The snake this reader probably encountered was a Midwestern or Western Worm Snake. It is hard to tell as Flora may lie within an area where the two subspecies intergrade. A picture is available here.

That's all the time we have for today folks. But, remember, there is no such thing as a question your computer can't answer!

O-Files Q&A

I know, dear reader, that I promised a few weeks ago to update you on a couple of trips from May, but between now and then I have learned something that has troubled me greatly, and I feel must be addressed.

There are in this world people who ask their computers questions.

I can only surmise that these are folks who have just recently been introduced to the magic box of witchery that we know as the PC, and that their only previous knowledge of similar equipment was gleaned from 2001: A Space Odyssey, Star Trek TOS, and a few junior-high era sessions with a Magic 8 ball. While most of these people are probably still sitting sullenly before the monitor waiting for a verbal response ("computing . . . computing"), some have discovered that handy interface device, the keyboard. In fact, it is due to the activities of this latter group (along that queer tool of divination, the stat-counter) that I first became aware of this phenomenon.

The folks at Ask.com do nothing to help matters. This particular search engine has apparently taken the "if you can't beat them, humor them" approach. At their site, a person may type a question into the query field, and Ask.com brings them back a list of websites which may (or, as seems to be more often the case, may not) answer their question. What Ask.com does, I believe is filter out query words like "how" "when" as well as conjunctions, and then run a typical websearch on the key words.

I hope I have neither shattered any dearly held illusions lonely folk had about their computer talking to them, nor divulged any proprietary corporate information in that last paragraph.

Before we get too deep into the sarcasm, I think that this would be an appropriate time for me to confess that I once typed the following commands into a VIC-20 (one of the first ever home computers).

10 BREAK INTO THE FBI COMPUTERS IN WASHINGTON DC
20 END

I think that reveals sufficient ignorance and naivete to qualify me to engage in the heckling above. For the record, I had not just seen War Games, I had only seen the commercial for it.

The main point I really mean to make is this: we have all had moments where, regardless of how many search parameters we try, we just cannot find the information we want on the internet. And to those of you who have, in the past, experienced similar frustration by coming to my site expecting answers and finding none, I say, "This is YOUR post". I have, over the past couple of months, saved a few questions that I thought might be of broader interest, and will answer them now.

Q: What do Smallmouth Salmanders eat?

A: Smallmouth Salamanders are a widespread member of the Ambystomatid family (which also includes the Tiger Salamander and the Blue-spotted Salamander, among others) of salamanders that inhabits the east-central and south-central portion of the U.S. Unlike other salamanders that seem to need pristine wild areas in order to survive, the Smallmouth persists in agricultural and suburban type habitats. Due to the fact that it spends most of the year underground, this salamander often goes unnoticed by people who live near them and may actually have one or two residing in their yards.

There are at least two sizeable populations of this species within 20 minutes of my house, and my kids are actually keeping one in the basement. We feed it nightcrawlers slightly shorter in length than the salamander itself. I have observed one foraging in the wild, and it too was eating a nightcrawler. They will, however, also eat several other invertebrates that inhabit the same subterranean or forest floor litter haunts.

Q: Does a Eastern Painted Turtle male [get] involved in caring for the young?

A: The answer, sadly, is no. It is pretty tough to find a deader-beat dad than the male painted turtle, who contributes little else to the family unit than a few microscopic cells after a breif courtship with the female. He then goes on his way, looking for another young Chrysemystid heart to break.

While this may inspire outrage in you, save some spite for the mother, who, after carrying the developing eggs and digging a nest, deposits them and leaves the site, perhaps never to see her young again.

Actually, most reptiles and amphibians do not brood their eggs, and none give any parental care (a notable exception to this would be female crocidilians). Some species of snake have, in fact, been known to eat younger members of their kind. It is not at all unlikely that some have consumed their own offspring.

Fortunately for them, baby snakes, turtles, and frogs are born/hatched with all the instinct they need to make their way in this big, uncaring world.

Q: When do painted turtles hatch in Ohio?

A: Painted Turtles nest in late spring and early summer, so the eggs usually hatch in late summer or early fall. Some, however, hatch so late that they simply overwinter in the nest.

That is all for this session of O-files Q&A. I hope you found it to be as helpful and interesting as I intended, and fun rather than offensive.

One final warning, though. I will not answer the question, "Computer, will I ever find love?" No matter how many times you ask.